When I was growing up I was led to believe that I could do anything I wanted. Be anything I wanted. Over the course of my elementary, middle, and high school career I fantasized about about becoming a teacher, an interior designer, and an actress. Not all at once, but over the course of my 13 years of public education where I was told repeatedly that all I had to do was work hard, apply myself, and in no time I would have the magical house/job/family combo platter.
Um, that was a flat out LIE.
I worked my ass off all throughout college carrying a heavy course load, being an officer in my sorority, participating on and off stage in theatre productions every semester, and (most of the time) working an off campus job…sometimes two. Over the 5.5 years at two different colleges I was always broke. I know that college has a way of doing that to people, but even during the year and a half where I packed up my independence and schlepped back home. Somehow I still only made enough to pay my bills and go out once in awhile at the bar where I drank for ½ price.
When I graduated (with honors thankyouverymuch) I packed my car and moved 2.5 hours away instead of walking across the stage in a stuffy cap and gown to try and find a “real job” so that I could start living the dream. My dream was a big, beautiful house with a yard. And, unfortunately, to start paying off those student loans that were going to be rolling in any second. Instead I was dealt a crappy temp job that paid good, but I was looked down upon because my college degree was theatre and not accounting. Did you actually read my resume? Never once did I say that I was a whiz at Excel.
When you prefer to be a waitress instead of an administrative assistant, you know you are being treated like crap.
Now it has been almost ten years since I graduated college and my student loans look almost the same as when I graduated because the series of food service, retail, and office admin jobs I have held haven’t exactly granted me the Scrooge McDuck lifestyle.
They have had me rolling in enough money for a Taco Bell combo once in awhile though!
Nine years ago my mom lectured me how I should be making over $30,000 because I was a smart, college educated woman. All I could do was laugh because at the time I was a bartender at Applebee’s with an infant at home getting assistance from WIC. No one wants to hire a new mom with a theatre degree and minimal experience for a good paying job. That just isn’t how life works and if it was I had no idea how to find that type of job.Finding a job that makes money AND makes me happy shouldn’t be this hard, but alas, it is. Click To Tweet
I have been searching for this mythical job that my mom thought I should have right out of college ever since. Finding a job that makes money AND makes me happy shouldn’t be this hard, but alas, it is.
My plan was to be a grown-ass adult with a career and house before I was 30, but not necessarily the family. I had all but ordered my Cat Lady starter kit!
Life just never goes the way we planned.
Here I am married with a whole brood of little monsters. My husband and three kids are my job right now. I’m trying to accept that I am not a typical career woman. I don’t put on a suit and heels every morning, but it’s hard to realize that I’m not living that dream. I am a PTA mom. A SAHM who works part time sharing stories and memes with strangers on the internet. It is what works for us. No one has to use PTO for school vacations instead of real vacations. We don’t have to spend more money on childcare and camps than we do in rent.
I just can’t shake the feeling that I am failing.
I desperately want that last piece of the puzzle – a house. A place that I can paint and remodel should the mood strike. I want a yard that my kids can go play in and I can plant flowers and veggies until my heart’s content. My own little sanctuary where I don’t have to have a panic attack over my deposit if something is spilled on the floor or my kid draws a masterpiece in Sharpie on the wall. I want that place where when my kids talk about their childhood they can see it in their mind’s eye versus going “Was that the year we lived in the townhouse or the condo?”I just can’t shake the feeling that I am failing. Click To Tweet
I was told I could have it all, and hopefully someday I will. Even the house AND the well paying career. Until then I am a broke older millennial mom who drinks mimosas while wearing LuLaRoe and attending monthly PTA Executive Board meetings.